Levels

I divided my self into levels when I was twelve
And ever since then whenever I meet people
I greet them like they’re entering a lift
‘Welcome to level one’ I say
‘Enjoy your stay here’
‘If you want to move forward, you just need to show me I can trust you’
Whenever I meet someone new
I think about them for days
I think about whether they’re at level one
Or at the level where I don’t care yet
Whether they will be the ones to finally save me
Whenever I meet someone new
I imagine showing them the intricacies of my soul
I never do, of course
Because they need to pass the levels first
I divided myself into levels when I was twelve
After I witnessed three funerals
The levels dictate how I behave
They make my life easier
They make it easier to pretend
I divided my soul into three levels some time ago
And I am yet to meet someone
Who is willing to see them all
Who is there, unconditionally
And I don’t blame people, I really don’t
I just long for what could’ve been
I just wish I could take someone straight to level three
And begin from the end
But alas, the levels are there for a reason
And the lift can’t bypass any
So I just wait for someone
Someone to stay long enough for the lift to reach level three
I divided my soul when I was twelve
And I’ve regretted it many times since
But never enough to remove them
Never enough to get rid of this system
Never enough to showcase my soul
I divided my soul when I was twelve
And I have stayed within the restraints my past self placed on me
I have never broken my chains
Instead, I walk into the cage my past made for me
Every single day

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