Not Answering

I want you to know
That over the past few months
I have fallen for you
Head over flat slippers
(I don’t wear heels, you see)
And I now go to sleep
Only after imagining a situation involving you
That I know will never come true
And I know I fall in love with the idea of people
Much too often
But to me, the idea of you
The essence of you
Feels like rainy storms and summer nights
Like fireflies and after eights
You’re pop songs being sung in loud discordant voices and 2AM conversations
And I know I am rambling
But that’s what you make me feel
That’s what you make me do
But I just wanted you to know
That every answer you don’t give
Drives another nail into the coffin of our relationship
(And my heart, but you probably don’t care about the mess it is now)
And not answering isn’t helping anyone
I just want you to know
That the essence of not answering
Is mayhem and confusion
All I want is clarity
Clarity on where we stand
Clarity on who I am to you and who you want me to be
Not answering just leaves space for questions
Not answering makes me question everything I ever said
Not answering doesn’t help anyone
If you’re breaking my heart, tell me first
(I like to have control over little things like
Who I loan my heart out to)
Over the past few months
I have fallen for you
Head over flat slippers
And I hope you fall for me too
But if you don’t
Don’t not answer
Because out of all the ways you could break my heart
That hurts the most
The fact that
I didn’t matter enough
For you to answer
So I just want you to know
I am awaiting answers

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