To My Sense Of Self Worth

Yes, today has been
a long day and
you don’t have
the strength to
help me, but
please try
Tomorrow will
hopefully be
better and you will
soar to new heights.

I know sometimes
you feel so terrible
that everything is
tinged grey
And I know that
sometimes you
soar so high that
everything seems
perfectly fine, but
none of these
are a real reflection
Most days you simply
try to survive
You just get by
And that’s all right too.

I guess what I’m
trying to say is
everything is
temporary right now
One day, you will be
in a stable place, but
today is not that day
And tomorrow is
unlikely to be, so
don’t expect too much
Just survive for now
Don’t be crushed
forever by ideas that
won’t matter in a
few years
Just survive, that is all
Just survive

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Stop Using Me

If I agree to
help you out
once, it doesn’t
mean that I
will help you
out always. I am
sick of bailing
you out.
Money is short
and I have bled
myself dry to
provide you
with water, and
I don’t want
to be your
fall back
anymore, so
stop using me
Because I am
absolutely livid
I just want
you to do
your own part
Why is that
so hard?

Winter

Days are getting shorter.
As winter approaches, my
luck runs out
The more time I need,
the less time is there
The happier I feel at home,
the worse I feel in school

Days have been getting shorter, and it feels
like a metaphor for
my temper, like
there are few sunlit hours
during the month of
December, and there are
just a few precious
seconds before I lose my mind

It’s been getting chilly, and
I’ve been feeling cold and callous
The winter is seeping into
my body and my heart
is slowly hardening to
most people I know
And I don’t feel bad about it.

Let my heart freeze, let my
demons reveal themselves,
let me lose my mind, let
me rebuild myself, as
long as I’m the one rebuilding
As long as I’m the one
changing me
as long as I’m the one
in control of myself

Let winter come
Let me freeze for now
Because I know that
once I thaw, I’ll be
the person I want to be
I’ll be the person I’m
trying to be

Winter is approaching, and
I’m running out of time
But its alright
It’s alright.
These months will
simply make me better.

Alternate Universe

Today I thought of an
alternate universe where
you are not made up of
question marks and passivity. A world
where you would call
me up frantically saying

‘Listen to me. I know we’re
nothing for now but I’m
really looking forward to the day we
are together forever. Listen
to me. I haven’t liked
anyone after I met you and
no matter how hard I try to erase you
You are in every future I imagine. Listen,
I might be in like with you
because love is too strong a word
and I’m still scared of commitment, but you
you make me almost fearless.
Listen, I think I can finally make this work.
I think it’s about time we
tried to be together.
Listen, lets be together’

But this is only a flight
of fancy, only a whimsy
This is only what I want to say.
In this universe, we are a
befuddled mess, and it
makes no difference to
your life. I am the only
one suffering here.
And I don’t know whether to
laugh or cry because I would
invest everything in us
But you, you wouldn’t
even spend a rupee.

Kissing You

Sometimes I imagine you kissing me.
And it’s always in this angry way, like
I’m screaming at you and you
decided to apologise with your mouth
In these flights of fancy, I mostly melt in your arms
I mostly forget about our fights, I mostly
concentrate on kissing you until we fuck it up again.
Even when I see us together it’s a mess.
We just seem to be toxic for each other, like
how you pick all the wrong fights to start, and you
turn me into a nervous condescending wreck
Maybe we’re meant to stay away from each other, but like
you’re something I’ll never get over, like
opposites attract and we are synonyms clashing
We should repel but instead all we do
is come back for this brawl
Lately I’ve imagined kissed you
It’s always a bit more war.