29/ being the antagonist in your own story/ 2 of 30

I watched you dissociate with the

detached curiousity of someone

who Doesn’t Get It, I stood near

you, waited till you were on fire before

considering to offer some

inadequate help, and I saw you

falter with every step and stayed

silent- I’m that Bystander every

movie loves to loathe, that

pretentious nice person who’s 

sickly more than sweet, who’s

dusk more than dawn, lie more

than truth, and I’m sorry. 

Sorry that I watched you hoist 

the world to your shoulders, sorry

that I let you believe you could do

a better job than Atlas, sorry 

I just watched you falter 

falter 

falter

till the world broke down around

us, but mostly I’m sorry

that now that you’re not here,

someone else has to pick

up the pieces, distribute the blame 

like gum in a school hallway, 

designate responsibility like

a sergeant  in an army, make 

people like me, fickle and scared,

confess to their part in the

murder of the mind, 

mostly I’m sorry that I’m 

the new Brave One, mostly

I’m sorry that I have to shoulder

the same burden I’ve 

feen so many collapse under,

mostly, I’m selfish and 

still the same person trying

to walk away from a crime scene,

trying to just live,

trying to hide from my conscience,

tying to not to be the hero.

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