30 of 30!!/ today/ 58

This day ends with the quiet

dignity of time spent well, it

fades into the blackness of

my memories from where it’ll

soon disappear, and the 

excitement I’ve felt today will

soon evaporate in this 

summer heat, replaced with the

weariness of a life lived too long, 

but it doesn’t matter because

even when this day is forgotten,

it will still have existed, even

when I fade into obscurity, 

no one will be able to take away 

who I was, because the truth is

human beings fiddle with the

future like it’s a toy, they tie 

Destiny’s hands together and

call their own shots, but

no matter how much they

try, the past is just not as

malleable, so even though they

have taken away my future, 

they’ll never take away my past.

28 of 30/ sleep/ 56

sleep beckons me like a siren,

I hear it’s call everywhere I go

pulling my weary body towards it,

it never stops, so now it’s just

another daily noise I’m 

accustomed to, another 

disappointed murmur I’ve learnt to 

ignore, because as much as I 

want to succumb to it’s lullaby,

I have things to do, places to be,

this world doesn’t stop for

mental health, this world doesn’t

stop for physical health, this world

doesnt stop for nothing. 

So when sleep calls to me, I ignore

it, adding it to the long list

of things I was to afraid to confront,

you see, the worst thing about sleep

isn’t what you’re missing out on,

it’s what you’re not, it’s what is

present in the dark, waiting for you.

27 of 30/ 55

thought about you on the subway today/ in the car today/ on the street today/ at the mall today/ in my bed today/ 

i let my imagination run wild/ hands clutching waist/ bodies pressed together/ never realised a love could be like this

never realised I could feel/ so deep/ so wide/ so chasm like/ guess you ripped my heart open/ because all I think about is you/

but I don’t mind/ the hum of my heart/ is in tune with the bustle of my life/ with the sound of my footsteps on the sidewalk/ 

I don’t mind/ why would I/ I know this music is leading me to you/ and sooner or later/ these vivid scenarios/ will be real/ will be true/ will be us.

26 of 30/ good for something/ 54

I know I’m not good for much, just

another girl with a sob story,

know I’m nothing special, less 

worthwhile than a floor mat,  just

another girl people look past, but

despite the flaws that circle my

very being, despite the fact that I

never managed to shine bright, 

despite the knowledge that I’ve

disappeared in this galaxy of 

humanity, I know what I can do,

know that if I was put at the helm

of a ship I would guide it home 

with words, know that I’m not 

pretty, but almost resemble the 

notion when I talk about writing and

my eyes light up- So don’t

count me out just yet, every bone

in my body is made for this duty,

and every inch of my muscle 

strove to get me here, I might not

be good for much, but I’m good 

for this, good for you, so sit

back and watch me conquer, 

because I may never be fit to

control this universe, but I can

definitely control this portion.

25 of 30/ float/ 53

Some days words seem to

float just of my reach, and

I watch them fly away, buoyed

by the wind until they become 

smaller and smaller, finally 

flickering out of existence, and

I say goodbye to each word quietly,

thank them for giving me 

some company for a little while, 

and then I wait, their last rites

completed, all that’s left is 

my bitter blue loneliness,

but I know one day, I’ll follow

the words into the sky, beyond 

the stars I see, into a new

galaxy, so I remain content,

atleast they’ll remember me then,

atleast I have something to 

look forward to, even if the

present isn’t the best.

24 of 30/ more/ 52

My soul is hungry for more

love, more offerings of good

faith and sweet promises at

the altar that is my heart, it 

wants what my life has been 

spent reading about, so it

prowls around my body, pushes

and pulls it into situations it’s

not ready for then asks why it

can’t keep up, it doesn’t wait

around, instead rushes to the

closest replica of attraction it

can find, doesn’t savour what it 

has, just wants more and more,

darting from person to person,

hoping affection for one will 

prevail but instead gets stuck in

this vicious cycle- why couldnt

it be content with what it was 

given? Why couldnt I? Instead,

in my search for a better love, 

in my search for a brighter love,

all I did was lose what I had gotten,

until I was left with less and

less, till I landed in this reality,

where even though my soul

still hoped for more, it knew,

I knew, I had nothing.

23 of 30/ crush/ 51

let this world crush me/ today,  all I have is a bitter blue tongue/ chilled from the lies it’s uttered/ what a change it is/ the world used to be mine/ now it doesn’t even look at me when I pass/ so let it crush me/ churn me/ twist me/ burn me/ let it cut me to my core/ I already know that all that’s left/ is rotten and rancid/ fit for nothing but/ destruction.

22 of 30/ small forms/ 50

I never realised the small 

forms self harm can take, always

thought in terms of explosions 

instead of flickers, thought of

the monsters that I could see, but

not the monsters shadowing me,

never realised loving myself

was a process, not a decision, and

some days it’s hard. Some

days, I buy a pair of tight jeans 

and vow to shrink until they’re 

loose, I pick at my food seeing 

it only as calories and not as 

energy, I allow myself to be 

a puppet controlled by the

whispers that say I’m too much, 

some days, the small forms of

hurt pile up until this body is 

more wound than skin, more 

bullet holes than flesh, and 

those days, I persevere anyway-

this road was never going

to be easy, I was a fool to think

it would be, a fool to think it could

be, but atleast I’m still on

the right path, atleast I haven’t

been led astray into wilderness.

21 of 30/ flutter/ 49

I watch my heart flutter

across the room, watch you 

exclaim at the exquisite beauty

of something so naive, watch

it gravitate towards you, watch

you tear apart almost 

scientifically, and now, after

all that, you ask me why we 

don’t talk? Would you talk 

to someone who broke your 

wings, someone who took away

your identity, someone who 

pierced your skin until you

were bled dry of the joy you

used to feel? Sorry. I didn’t 

realise that your power over my

past was supposed to give you

power over my future, sorry, 

I won’t be used anymore.