27 of 30/ 55

thought about you on the subway today/ in the car today/ on the street today/ at the mall today/ in my bed today/ 

i let my imagination run wild/ hands clutching waist/ bodies pressed together/ never realised a love could be like this

never realised I could feel/ so deep/ so wide/ so chasm like/ guess you ripped my heart open/ because all I think about is you/

but I don’t mind/ the hum of my heart/ is in tune with the bustle of my life/ with the sound of my footsteps on the sidewalk/ 

I don’t mind/ why would I/ I know this music is leading me to you/ and sooner or later/ these vivid scenarios/ will be real/ will be true/ will be us.

26 of 30/ good for something/ 54

I know I’m not good for much, just

another girl with a sob story,

know I’m nothing special, less 

worthwhile than a floor mat,  just

another girl people look past, but

despite the flaws that circle my

very being, despite the fact that I

never managed to shine bright, 

despite the knowledge that I’ve

disappeared in this galaxy of 

humanity, I know what I can do,

know that if I was put at the helm

of a ship I would guide it home 

with words, know that I’m not 

pretty, but almost resemble the 

notion when I talk about writing and

my eyes light up- So don’t

count me out just yet, every bone

in my body is made for this duty,

and every inch of my muscle 

strove to get me here, I might not

be good for much, but I’m good 

for this, good for you, so sit

back and watch me conquer, 

because I may never be fit to

control this universe, but I can

definitely control this portion.

25 of 30/ float/ 53

Some days words seem to

float just of my reach, and

I watch them fly away, buoyed

by the wind until they become 

smaller and smaller, finally 

flickering out of existence, and

I say goodbye to each word quietly,

thank them for giving me 

some company for a little while, 

and then I wait, their last rites

completed, all that’s left is 

my bitter blue loneliness,

but I know one day, I’ll follow

the words into the sky, beyond 

the stars I see, into a new

galaxy, so I remain content,

atleast they’ll remember me then,

atleast I have something to 

look forward to, even if the

present isn’t the best.

24 of 30/ more/ 52

My soul is hungry for more

love, more offerings of good

faith and sweet promises at

the altar that is my heart, it 

wants what my life has been 

spent reading about, so it

prowls around my body, pushes

and pulls it into situations it’s

not ready for then asks why it

can’t keep up, it doesn’t wait

around, instead rushes to the

closest replica of attraction it

can find, doesn’t savour what it 

has, just wants more and more,

darting from person to person,

hoping affection for one will 

prevail but instead gets stuck in

this vicious cycle- why couldnt

it be content with what it was 

given? Why couldnt I? Instead,

in my search for a better love, 

in my search for a brighter love,

all I did was lose what I had gotten,

until I was left with less and

less, till I landed in this reality,

where even though my soul

still hoped for more, it knew,

I knew, I had nothing.

23 of 30/ crush/ 51

let this world crush me/ today,  all I have is a bitter blue tongue/ chilled from the lies it’s uttered/ what a change it is/ the world used to be mine/ now it doesn’t even look at me when I pass/ so let it crush me/ churn me/ twist me/ burn me/ let it cut me to my core/ I already know that all that’s left/ is rotten and rancid/ fit for nothing but/ destruction.

22 of 30/ small forms/ 50

I never realised the small 

forms self harm can take, always

thought in terms of explosions 

instead of flickers, thought of

the monsters that I could see, but

not the monsters shadowing me,

never realised loving myself

was a process, not a decision, and

some days it’s hard. Some

days, I buy a pair of tight jeans 

and vow to shrink until they’re 

loose, I pick at my food seeing 

it only as calories and not as 

energy, I allow myself to be 

a puppet controlled by the

whispers that say I’m too much, 

some days, the small forms of

hurt pile up until this body is 

more wound than skin, more 

bullet holes than flesh, and 

those days, I persevere anyway-

this road was never going

to be easy, I was a fool to think

it would be, a fool to think it could

be, but atleast I’m still on

the right path, atleast I haven’t

been led astray into wilderness.

21 of 30/ flutter/ 49

I watch my heart flutter

across the room, watch you 

exclaim at the exquisite beauty

of something so naive, watch

it gravitate towards you, watch

you tear apart almost 

scientifically, and now, after

all that, you ask me why we 

don’t talk? Would you talk 

to someone who broke your 

wings, someone who took away

your identity, someone who 

pierced your skin until you

were bled dry of the joy you

used to feel? Sorry. I didn’t 

realise that your power over my

past was supposed to give you

power over my future, sorry, 

I won’t be used anymore.

20 of 30/ demise/ 48

I shouldve known it

wasn’t right when I had nothing 

to write about, should’ve

known the difference between

loneliness and love, should’ve 

known better- so blame me.

Blame me for the poetry I 

spilled across your life, the

intrusion I was, the heartbreak

I still am, I’m ready to 

serve as the sacrifice in this war,

because ever since this 

mistake was put into motion,

my conscience has been a 

siren, so burn me at the altar

of bad lovers, I can already

smell the smoke of my own 

ashes- I am ready for my demise.

19 of 30/ ON WALKING DOWN THE STREET AS A HUMAN BEING/ 47

it almost felt alien to me, 

not hearing a whistle as I walked

past a group of boys, not feeling

the heat of a stranger’s glare on 

my back, or more accurately,

my ass, not feeling exposed with

every step I take, not feeling

like meat waiting to be turned

into a meal, not feeling like 

a target, waiting to be shot at.

I had forgotten what this

warm breeze of freedom felt

like, forgotten that I too had

a claim to public spaces, 

forgotten that my identity 

counted as much as theirs did,

but can you blame me? Who

can remember who they are when

in the eyes of the world, they

shapeshifted into a beast to

control centuries ago? Who can

reclaim a freedom they’ve never 

gotten? Who can hear the 

sound of harassment over and

over and over again, and not 

respond to abuse as a mating call?

Who can blame me, when 

something as simple as walking

down the street as a human being

is a luxury that I’ve never been

given? Instead, all I’ve ever

been in this place, is afraid.

18 of 30/ distance/46

Distance can be a canyon,

a glance stretching miles 

and miles, a sentence creating

a drop so sharp, you’re not sure

when it’ll end, and distance

can be a blessing, each kilometre

providing a sense of peace that

couldn’t be achieved close by,

because distance is versatile, it

changes its stripes with every 

person who uses it as a defense

mechanism, but for me, distance

was just a reassurance that even

5000 kilometres away, my decision

didn’t change, even the distance 

between us, didn’t (and 

hasn’t) made me stop 

thinking about you.